Raiders of the Lost Tombworld
by WillyDJ
Summary: Cain is back in further adventures in the United Federation of Planets. Sequel to Hero of the Federation.
1. Chapter 1

No matter where the Emperor, or occasionally a mercurial daemon has seen fit to send me there are commonalities and similarities everywhere. Take the existence of 'pleasure planets' for example. I guess it's a case of reputation and specialistaion gone mad but even quite stoic and reserved societies have them. Like the United Federation of Planets, or simply The Federation. Despite being very strange, claiming to have eschewed money, militerism and materialism they still feel the need to kick back and relax. When a Federation citizen decides they need a break the first destination they think of is Risa. Of course, The Federation being what it is they have not failed to put their own peculiar mark on things.

"Please highlight the regions in the holocube that correspond to your sexual preferences?" I said aloud. I was filling out the visitors entry form. Nothing strange in that, filling out forms has been a staple of my life and while dull it has been a rare thing for anything life threatening to occur as a result of doing so. Of course this form was a small electronic device with wires leading to electrodes you put on your head.

"Just push the light pen about the cube. It will record whether you're stimulated or not. That then allows it to form your psychosexual glyph." said Lieutentant Grigg.

"My what?" I said. As I did so I put the light pen in the cube. I recieved a flash of scales, numbness and a sharp jab in my backside. "What the..."

"It's an advanced profile which you then load into your comm. You can then use it to check someone elses. The more they match the more compatible you'll be. And try up there first." said Grigg pointing to one corner of the cube.

"Why arn't you doing this?" I asked, somewhat annoyed at another bizzare personal intrusion from this supposedly free society.

"Normally it would be because I'm in Starfleet and they already have all this. But since the Borg I'm also pretty much a blank slate." said Grigg.

"Back home we just ask which gender you are." I said.

Lieutenant Grigg had been one of the lucky ones when the Enterprise had been boarded by the creepy, alien Borg, a species with a fetish for turning everyone into a cogboy. Of course lucky is relative. Lt Grigg had been restrained and was having his limbs amputated prior to being borgified when rescued. It goes without saying that the Borg do not employ aneasthetic. While limb reattachment and regeneration is well within the scope of a Federation medicae, fixing the mind is another thing. As a result Lt. Grigg was off to one of the most pleasant places in the Federation for mental reconstruction and recovery. I, on the other hand had requested to visit Risa while the Federation worked out what to do with me. Risa sounded like a nice place and I figured even the Federation couldn't warp and mutate the idea of R and R. The device asking me various questions was making me doubt that however.

Both of us were aboard the White Star Line, a ship dedicated to transporting people from one system to another. Being a Federation built vessel they had no ruck with cramped quarters but had extensive facilities like a swimming pool, gymnasium, several holo suites and three different dining areas. The staterooms, while spartan were comfortable. I imagine one could have a very pleasant time merely touring the galaxy on the White Star Line and her sister vessels.

It was about three weeks into a very pleasant journey when life returned to normal.

I awoke with a start, something was wrong. As I looked around Alana, an attractive replicator programmer stirred beside me.

"No more. I'm too tired now." she mumbled.

"It's not that." I said. "Do you hear anything?"

"No."

"That's what has me worried." I said.

Every type of ship has it's own distinctive set of noises, be they mechanical rumblings, thumps, bangs, intercessory prayers or screams. The starships of The Federation have a deep, soft hum to them. The White Star Line's had stopped. This is never a good thing. I reached down the side of the bed to where I had left my clothes and more importantly, my chainsword.

Well, when I say my chainsword, I mean the one fabricated for me by Worf. Worf was a Klingon, a xeno species which had taken to the weapons like greeting a long lost cherished relative. My particular service chainsword was hopefully being maintained by Jurgen in my own universe. Still this particular chainsword had saved my neck and other body parts several times already and I was becoming familiar with it own peculiar idiosyncrasies.

I quickly got dressed in, well, the less said about civilian fashions in the Federation the better. I just got dressed.

"Wait here. Lock the door and don't let anyone in until the emergancy is over." I said.

"What's wrong. Oh, look. The starbow. It's stopped." Alana said.

I quickly risked a glance at the window. I had yet to get used to The Federation's habit of sticking windows, viewports, portholes and galleries in their ship hulls through which literally anything could crawl through. Normally you would see a streaking of starlight or 'starbow' courtesy of the ships travel through space. It wasn't there, only a couple of stationary specks. Which was bad.

"Wait here." I repeated. I then left the room, turned and made for the ship's shuttle bay. Unfortunately I soon ran into Lieutenat Grigg. He tossed me a phaser, The Federation's jack of all trades energy weapon.

"Ready for some fun?" he said. "Let's get down to engineering and see if we can surprise them." he strode off puposefully.

Reluctant to damage my reputation or give the Federation Thought Police any excuses I followed.

"Who are they?" I asked.

"Who knows? They've used some sort of warp dampening field. That sort of tech's not hard to come by. Could be Orions, Klingon renegades, Pirates or even Indigs with attitude." he said.

"Why are we not talking to them first?" I said, a little suprised. The Federation's first, second, third and counting options was to talk. And how. I suspected most beings, after dealing with Federation diplomats readily agree to anything if they'll just shut up after several hours of negotiations. Grigg just smiled at me.

"I've undegone extreme psycological trauma and am pending treatment. I'll just add this little aberation to my counselor's to do list." Grigg said.

"Well okay." I said.

We took the lift and hid on either side of the doors when it stopped. Grigg opened the doors and we looked out.  
Three short grey skinned humanoids dressed in some mesh-like body armour and armed with whips and pistols prowled about the engineering bay. Again, for the xenos in this universe they were pretty much human standard and had nothing to prevent them from being drafted into the Guard. Their ears were a bit on the big side and their features were on the 'only a mother would love' side of the attractiveness spectrum, but nowhere as outlandish or ugly as an Ogryn. Grigg grinned.

"Or they could be Ferengi. On three. One, two..."

"Three."

Grigg and I fired. Grigg swept his weapon to hit all three while I opted for a head shot. The mesh armour managed to disapate the stun beam where it connected causing the the mesh suits to glow and crackle. Their wearers howled in what I hoped was pain and dived for cover. Fortunately my target's head did not confer the same protection and he went down as if punched by an ogryn.

"Damn civilian models." said Grigg.

We ducked back as the Ferengi popped up and fired several red bolts in our direction. Judging by the marks they left on the lift wall they were not intended to merely stun.

"What do we do now?" I wondered aloud.

"We could rush them." said Grigg as we returned some fire of our own. "I'll lay down some suppressing fire and you close with your chainsword." Great, Grigg had "Gone Kirk" on me, to use a local phrase. I had no doubt I could take one, but two? I also realised I had no idea of the capabilities of these 'Ferengi' or their weapons.

"Hmmm." I said playing for time while I tried to think of a less foolhardy plan. It was fortunate that the Ferengi were having the same thoughts.

"Starfleet?" said one.

"Yes." said Grigg.

"We did not anticipate Starfleet being here. Perhaps, we shall talk? Come to a Deal?" said the Ferengi.

"You're pirates. You have attacked a civilian vessel in Federation space. I think my friend and I here should just get on with the business of stunning you and then our captain can decide whether to throw you out the airlock." said Grigg.

"Pirates? You are mistaken Starfleet. We are free enterprisers performing a small job for our captain. We intend only to delay this vessel so he can make a Deal with a passenger. We do not intend to acquire this vessel. It would be far too difficult to onsell. There's no market. But, if you could aquire Peregrine shuttle I can give excellent Deal." the alien said.

"Who's the passenger?" I asked with a sinking feeling that I knew already.

"Just an ordinairy ooman. A civilian named Ciaphas Cain. Would you know him?" said the Ferengi.

"What an odd name." said the other.

"Never heard of him." I said quickly before Grigg spoiled the moment with the truth. "What's in it for me if I find him for you?"

"You don't sound like Starfleet." the alien said.

"Just a Rogue Trader. Not even really part of the Federation." I replied.

"Well then, friend, we should Deal." the Ferengi said.

"Yes, we make you equal partner. We all share in finder's bonus when we aquire this 'Cain'." said the other.

"You can't honestly expect to deal with Ferengi." said Grigg, a look of betrayal crossing his face.

Grigg was a nice person, but did suffer from the Federation's qualities of honesty and openess. Also, he was a little unbalanced. So I shot him. If that sounds harsh, it was only a stun weapon and he was probably safer unconscious. Grigg collapsed and I retrieved his phaser, mainly to make sure he couldn't work more mischief when he awoke.

The two Ferengi then revived their companion and charged him for the service. They then continued to lock down engineering while I made Grigg more comfortable.

We then set about patrolling the ship looking for, well, me. I could tell my new companions trusted me as much as I trusted them and wondered what I should do before we found someone who knew what I looked like.

"So you know this Cain" said a Ferengi.

"I know of him. He owes me money." I said. This seemed to satisfy the aliens with regard to my motives.

We crept about for a while more before the leader decided another line of inquiry.

"Say friend, what is your name." he said, looking at a datapad.

"I..." I was interupted by a red flash and the appearance of a band of klingons, armed for ambul.

"Cain!" said Tactical Officer Lukth, who appeared to be in charge. "What are you doing with these Ferengi?"

"You are Cain?" said the lead Ferengi.

"No time! Just drop them." I yelled and shot the same Ferengi in the head again, stunning him again. I then dived to one side to dodge one of the energy whips. By the time I had recovered the Klingons had made short work of their startled opponents.

"Very clever, Mr Cain. I look forward to Dealing with you in the future." said their leader as he passed out.

Meanwhile Lukth fixed me with a look.

"Well?" she said.

"Well what?" I said.

"What are you doing?" she said.

"Improvising. What are you doing?"

"Rescuing you. Lukth to Krom. We have the prey. Beam us back." she said.

There was another red flash and the interior of the White Star Line vanished.


	2. Chapter 2

Of all the means of getting from one place to another teleportation is one of the most unpleasant. Being driven by Jurgen in an ork buggy is mild compared to the feeling of existential dread experienced when neither here or there before being wrenched back to reality. I prefer shuttles, or better yet not going at all which has rarely been an option for me.  
I had reappeared with the Klingons in one of their ships. It had the same smell and dim lighting that a Klingon find's reminiscent of a pleasant day. I was standing on a small platform. Nearby some guards eyed us warily and lowered their weapons. A cogboy or the local equivalent finished his technosorcerous conjurations that had resulted in me being here. He clasped his hand to his chest.

"You have returned Tactical Officer. We are still cloaked and undetected. You have the prey, I see." he said. It

"Understood Transport Leader." said Lukth. "Come Deathbringer, we have fiercer prey to discuss hunting." She then left the teleportarium and I followed.

"Prey?" I asked as Lukth strode down the corridor. The comment caused her to stop.

"Not the right word?" she asked. "It seems like the correct word. Never mind. I know that 'prey' is the right word for what we are hunting next."

"And what is that exactly?" I asked as we reached the ships bridge. It was smaller than any I had seen yet Six Klingons were crammed into a very tight space intent on various consoles and machines.

"A weapon." Lukth replied with typical Klingon loquacity. Seeing my expression she decided to elaborate. "It was no accident the Borg were at Simia. They were looking for something. It is ancient. It is powerful. Many suspect that you are the key to it all. Otherwise, why are you here?"

Why indeed I mused. I knew pointing out I was the victim of the whims of a capricious daemon would be received badly.

"Why else?" I managed.

"Wonderful Deathbringer! We shall hunt together and bring glory to both us and the Empire. Durkon, take us away from here."

The pitch of the ship's background hum began to rise and with it the Klingon's broke out into song, their enthusiasm and volume clearly making up for talent.

I was no longer on a pleasure cruise to a vacation spot but trapped in a small ship with lunatic xenos on a dubious quest most likely involving large amounts of peril.

Bloody. Bloody. Bloody...

Bloody.

I had been aboard the Krom for a few hours now. The Krom was a small Klingon warship intended for missions where stealth and speed were to needed over brute force and tenacity. It had a crew of about twenty, all of whom also had the role of 'head-hitter' when not actually needed to keep the ship going. They were going to stick their necks and more importantly, mine where they probably had no business going. I was currently in a small guest suite trying to get my bearings and some rest.

"With cat-like tread, upon our foe we steal. In silence dread, Our cautious way we feel. No sound at all, we never speak a word. A fly's footfall, would be distinctly heard."

Of course the bloody daemon had to show. It called itself Que and seemed to delight in tormenting people. It was wearing brightly coloured clothing with more frills and puff than I thought possible.

"What do you want?" I said.

"I was bored. So I thought I'ld drop in on a friend. And I thought of you since I imagined you would be on Risa by now. Getting a tan. Playing some cards. Getting to know the locals. That sort of thing. Imagine my surprise when I found you were off on another adventure in a tricked out B'rell with the lovely Lukth. Well, well, well. It's a good thing your blonde inquisitor 'friend' is another universe away."

"She's not my type." I said.

"Really, better not let her hear that. She takes the genetic improvement of her people very seriously." Que said.

"She's a xeno."

"Now, that's a nasty word. Shouldn't the 'from another universe' thing qualify everyone here as a 'xeno'?"

"That's different."

"Different because you try not to think about it or actually different?"

"I don't know. Anyway what's your angle? What do you get out of all this?"

"Me? It's the well being of you apes that's the problem. Think of me as someone helping your evolution along."

I drew my chainsword and attempted to bisect the daemon without thinking. I can keep my cool better than most but I do have my breaking point. Being compared to the tyranids is one of them. Que looked down at the tear in his clothing.

"Oh really. Have it your way." Que said and vanished.

I took up a defensive position ready to strike Que should he reappear. It was more out of reflex than anything since I had no real way of injuring the fiend without Jurgen around. Unfortunately the best position was atop the suite's bed. The door opened. Lukth walked through and regarded the tableau thoughtfully. The door shut behind her.

"My briefing can wait."

She roared and leaped at me.

A chainsword is an excellent weapon for a commissar. Nothing says 'pay attention now' than a metre of screaming, spinning adamantine. A power weapon may well get through anything but it's the chainsword that will frak you up should you disrespect it. Chainswords are deadly, they inflict horrible injuries and are psychologically intimidating.

They have no place in the bedroom. I like to think I have as open a mind as is possible but that's just wrong. If the idea of your paramour holding a weapon that will splatter your entrails on every wall excites you then you need help. Or you're one of those especially freaky eldar, in which case a good killing will work just as well. Klingons are therefore just bloody nuts. Of course I typically only interacted with their warrior caste so that may of skewed things a little. No doubt the parts of Klingon society that does the laundry, builds houses and waits tables are less sanguine.

None of which really was going through my mind when Lukth leapt at me. What was paramount was the thought that if I killed her the remaining twenty-four Klingons would tear me to shreds and then think about asking questions. I switched off the chainsword and thrust it behind me. I was then only defending my valuable weapon with my worthless body. I also ducked and twisted to avoid Lukth.

It is also worth noting that Klingons, despite their large size, temperament and proclivity for violence are not orks. An ork's musculature results in a ferocious beast whose clumsiness would be comical were they not trying to kill you all the time. Klingon's merely get the whole strength package of speed, reach, power and well, strength. Lukth was no exception. She twisted mid-air, used the roof to absorb the momentum of the jump and landed neatly on the bed just inches from me. The sound of the chainsword winding down was audible over our breathing.

"So." Lukth said.

"Would you mind if I put my weapon down." I said.

"I'ld much rather you kept it up."

I tried backing up and ran into the wall.

"I'm not really interested." I tried. Lukth gave a disapproving snort.

"Consent is a human concept. And I think you are quite capable of resisting."

"There's someone else." I said.

Lukth merely smiled and drew a knife.

"Excellent. Well, when I am finished with her I'll come back for you." she said.

"She's in my home universe."

"And is she dangerous, this woman?"

"Yes. She's amongst the most dangerous people in the sector."

"Wonderful." Lukth relaxed and hopped down to the floor.

"What do you mean? Amberley is in another universe and has more firepower available than anything you can hope to bring with you."

"Now your just saying things to tease me."

"Am I missing something here?"

"Do you know the tale of Barek and Luthin?" said Lukth. "It is a famous Klingon love story of murder, betrayal and revenge. It is made all the more tragic that they were separated by class, planet, about thirty light years and five centuries of actual time."

I must of looked confused. Of course nothing in this universe made sense, why should their tales be any different?

"The honour involved in a deed is in measure to it's difficulty. This sounds impossible." Lukth practically purred the last word. Of course this did sound like Chimera sorely in need of a cogboy's blessing.

"What was your original briefing?" I said.

"Oh." Lukth said and abruptly changed from the psychotic killer paramour intending to indirectly kill me to the psychotic killer agent intending to indirectly kill me. This at least meant death was now hopefully a long way off and that I could negotiate or weasel my way out of it. "Our, 'prey' is a weapons system buried in Simia. The events of the last few months have unlocked a vast wealth of information, much of which made our way to us."

"What's that got to do with me?" I said.

"You Deathbringer are a native. You speak this weird human language 'Gothic'. With your help we can decode the C'Tan codex, beat our competitors to the prize and bring glory to the Empire."

"What did you call it." I said, aleready knowing the answer.

"The C'Tan codex. Do you know of it?"

I only knew the word by the reaction it got out of any cogboy who heard it. I also knew it was associated with those best left sleeping terrors, the Necron.

Crap.

When the word 'Necron' or any associated word comes up in casual conversation there are two appropiate responses. The first is to run away screaming. The second is to make a polite excuse, get up and calmly walk to the nearest exit. Once safely outside, run away screaming. I'm reasonably sure of this despite the fact that something always crops up to prevent me from doing so.

In this case it was because I was on a tiny sneakship. There was nowhere to run. So, as usual I had to play along as if it was a good idea until the oppotunity for running and screaming presented itself.

"So, tell me about this C'tan codex." I said.

"The C'tan Codex was until very recently beleived to be the deranged ramblings of the last survivor of a First Exodus era Human colony. They had landed on Durka Phot IV. The story goes that the colony got off to a good start but then they discovered some ancient ruins. The C'tan Codex is the only partially coherent report of what happened. The colony or, rather it's remains was discovered later by Orions who also found the Codex. There was no report of 'ancient alien ruins', nor have any been found since. The Codex of course has been passed arround the quadrant as a curio." Lukth said. As she talked she absentmindedly toyed with the knife she had recently been cajoling me with.

"So it's just the mad ramblings of the last survivour of a doomed colony?" I asked hopefully.

"It was believed so. The Codex has always had an attraction to those fools who would prefer to people the galaxy with ghosts and bogeymen rather than proper foes you can face with blade and disruptor." Lukth said.

"And now?"

"There have always been copies. And the supposed monsters had a hierachy. This was listed amongst the 'least servants'" Lukth showed me an image on her data slate. It showed the image of a page. On which was a labled diagram of what had the appearence of a low ranked cogboy. The pale face, severe dress and mechanical augments brought back recent memories.

"That's a borg." I said.

"Yes, imagine how suprised everyone was. Now look at this. A lesser servant, according to the author." Lukth said.  
Another image flicked into place. A gaunt metallic skelton, it's long face welded into a perpetual frown. It held an energy weapon I was all too familiar with. It was a necron warrior with it's attendant flayer. While I kept quiet, mainly in shock rather than anything else, a flash of recognition must of crossed my features.

"You know of these creatures? They are said to have a great buried city, the centre of which houses a temple in which one of their gods is trapped. And they will wake to raise it when the constellations are right." Lukth said. Her tone suggested she didn't really beleive it. She continued. "What it is likely however is that it is a store of ancient technology. Weapons, power sources, exotic materials. Everything the Empire needs to cease being a second rate power. The Codex tells us the spatial location of the system where this lost city is located."

"Simia Orichalcae."

"Yes. A small team, armed with the true Codex and the proper intel should be able to succeed while the other powers blunder about spending too much time posturing."

I had no illusions about who the 'proper intel' was.

"So who at the moment has the proper Codex." I said.

"A human, one with an interest in antiquities of the quadrant. You know him. A Captain Jean Luc Picard." Lukth said.

Bugger.


	3. Chapter 3

"Attention Prospective Customer! You are entering Licensed Limited Access Zone NCR99 as registered with the Grand Exchange on Ferenginar. Such registry is recognised by treaty with the United Federation of Planets, The Klingon Empire, The Romulan Star Empire, The Gorn Hegemony, Tholian Assembly, Cardassian Union, Orion Syndicate and other lesser powers listed under Appendix A.

Congratulations Customer! For the low, low price of 15 Bars of Gold-pressed Latinum per Ship Rating Level as designated in Appendix B you will be allowed limited access within the zone. Those without Gold-pressed Latinum may be able to negotiate with an equivalent currency recognised by the Grand Exchange for favourable rates.

For payment please attend to the designated picket vessel.  
Be appraised that further charges may apply as determined by the registering Ferengi for more than just limited access.

If caught in violation of the Licensed Limited Access Zone you and any liable superiors, relatives, employers or employees will be subject to fines as detailed in Appendix C.

This is a recording. Message repeats."

"I take it we're not going to pay." I said.

"Of course not. Engage cloaking device." said Lukth. The animated recording from the Ferengi vanished into static.

I took a moment to look at the tactical display. Like most technosorcery of this universe it provided a wealth of information and seemed to require little in the way of devotional prayers or whacks with a sanctified boot. I had also learned how to interpret the glyphs they displayed somewhat.

"Those Ferengi ships look quite big." I said, "What's our plan if they detect us."

The Klingons all looked at me.

"We. Fight." said Grellik who was currently attending secondary weapon control.

"It will not happen. Ferengi scanners are only the best money can buy. Where our cloaking device is the best Klingons can build." said Lukth. She then howled and was joined by the other crew on the bridge. "And in any event, look. Tactical, main screen."

The main screen was replaced by a pictorial representation of events in the system. It displayed glyphs representing various objects of interest, what tactical data the Krom could determine about the object such as size, power, weaponry and defences. There were also various tracks showing where those objects had been and where they were going and no doubt a cogboy skilled in such matters could gain other information as well. While I've seen similar in the Imperium, such devices were the province of Generals, Admirals and the ever creepy Navigators. They also required many holy blessings, prayers, curses and sanctified boots to operate and keep going. The Krom's display worked at a word.

"There is the Enterprise. She is in attack position with the Ferengi Cruiser 'Rule 62'. It looks like Picard does not want to pay either." said Lukth. "Tap the subspace in their vicinity. Let's see if we can listen in."

Captains Log: Stardate 42509.8.

We are en-route back to the Simia system. This is largely a follow-up to our encounter with the Borg there a month ago. An old first exodus transcript, the so called C'tan Codex of Durka Phot IV, long regarded as the deranged ramblings of the last survivor of that failed colony has been re-examined in light of recent events. One of the monsters depicted in the codex bears extraordinary resemblance to the Borg. Starfleet has requested we investigate the world of Simia, the coordinates of which are also listed in the codex as the sleeping place of an ancient evil. I would feel this whole affair was a wild goose chase were it not for the additional resemblance another of the Codex's fiends to the Necron. A machine race from another universe that was recently described to me by an accidental visitor, a Ciaphas Cain who comes from the same dimension. It would be useful to have this Cain on hand and so I have sent a request that he be found and asked to join us. With or without him we shall determine what is truth and what is fantasy.

The bridge of the Enterprise was tense. Captain Picard regarded the Ferengi captain Xan displayed on the main screen. Outwardly Picard appeared calm, ready to negotiate, the image of a Starfleet Captain. Inside he seethed as the Ferengi explained his position.

"It is very simple, Picard of Starfleet. I am in the possession of things you want. I am offering them for what any reasonable sentient would consider a very fair price." Xan said.

"This is preposterous, this system is not within the sphere of influence of any power. We can share in the scientific and archaeological investigation of this system." said Picard.

"And we shall indeed share Picard of Starfleet. First you will share with me 90 Bars of Gold-pressed Latinum and then I will share access within the systems heliosphere to you and your Starship. And, as I have said before, this is a very fair Deal." Xan replied.

"That is highway robbery." said Picard.

"I am shocked Picard of Starfleet. Shocked, and appalled. We are not robbers. We are not threatening to take your wealth from you. This is a business Deal. You may accept my generous terms or..."

"Yes, what else can we do?"

"You have many options. We are Ferengi and we would not wish to limit the options of another. You can Deal with us. You can choose to remain without the heliosphere. I hear Federation sensors are very good, no? Perhaps that will suffice. Or you may choose to open hostilities or indulge in espionage. But I feel I am offering you the best choice."

"I see. We shall consider your terms."

"Very well Picard of Starfleet. Just to sweeten the pot I could arrange limited access to the authentic C'tan Codex. In the interests of archaeology, of course."

The screen went blank. Evidently there was no more communication between the two ships.

"Well. This is an interesting development." said Lukth. "It seems someone else has the Codex. Someone with probably less defences than the Enterprise. Let's find out who that is."

The Klingons were now intent on their tactical holo. They were trying to decide which ship was likely to hold the codex. They were coalescing into two points of view.

"It is aboard the Rule 62. Why else would it's captain offer it to the Enterprise?" said Nath, who preferred main fire control and was considered belligerent even by Klingon standards. "We send three teams, two to keep the Ferengi cowed and the other to search." Several other Klingons nodded. It was a bold plan with good opportunities for personal mayhem.

"It is not with the Ferengi. Our intel was good. The Enterprise has had the Codex until very recently." said Baz, the teleportarium operator. "Any clever enough to steal it has done so recently. They will still be negotiating with the Ferengi for something so valuable." His supporters grunted support. Nath's grunted back. I suddenly had a vision of how Klingons resolved disagreements and took a step back.  
Baz continued. "Only this ship can of intercepted the Enterprise and now be here. We raid this, this, Erstwhile."

"What sort of name is that?" said Grellik. "There will be little sport. Let us go after the larger prize." he finished his argument with a growl. The Klingons took some time to growl and shove one another. Those who didn't have a chainsword were carrying long mono-blades. No one had drawn a weapon, yet.

I took a moment to look at Lukth. She was watching with, amusement? Anticipation?

"Don't you think you should intervene?" I said.

"No,"

The Klingons were getting quite excitable now. Any moment now arms and legs would be flying in different directions and some of them could be mine.

"Wait. Surely we can do both." Over forty eyes regarded me. "We catch the small ship. If that's a bust then we can still catch the Ferengi cruiser unawares."

There was a pause as this new aproach was processed.

"Cunning." said Baz. Everyone nodded.

"Let us try Deathbringer's plan." said Marika. Fortunatly they all agreed.

It did not take long to get close to the other ship. Lukth, Nath, Grellik and Marika gathered on the teleportarium pad. I went too since everyone seemed to expect so and were all looking on. Baz then sent us to the other vessel.

We appeared in a cluttered cargo hold. While the light was more to my liking it flickered on and off. Everything looked in poor repair and I wondered if being seen as a coward by Klingons was safer than this death-trap. On a positive note the drive tone sounded strong and constant but what do I know?  
We cautiously crept through the hold. The Klingons wanted to surprise the crew while I was afraid the least knock may cause the entire ship to fall apart. We made our way to the bridge. It was in worse shape than the hold. A lone human lounged in a large chair in the centre of the clutter. He was drinking from a bottle. He swivelled to face us.

"I, I surrender." he said. "Anyway I'm unarmed. Klingons wouldn't want to fight an unarmed human? Where's the point."

"Do you have the Codex?" said Lukth.

"Now what would that be?" said the human.

This did not impress my companions. Nath grabbed the human and shook him.

"Lying p'tug! If you have it then give it to us." he roared.

"Oh that Codex. Creepy book? Gives you a headache if you read too much?"

"Yes! GIve it to us."

"Yes. I will. Just, put, me, down."

Nath put the human down. He quickly retrieved the bottle and took a deep swig of it.

"Give us the codex." said Lukth.

"Sure, sure. Gimmee a sec, got to remember where it is." he gave me a look. "You're a bit out of place. Why you working with these guys?"

They say it takes one to know one. It's true. This man was a weasel. It was like looking into a mirror in some ways. Of course the problem with weasels is that we are not to be trusted. He was up to something. He was outnumbered, outgunned and yet he only seemed to be rattled.

I sidled up to Lukth. "Get us out. This is a trap." I whispered.

"What?"

"It's a trap. We've be made." I repeated.

The universal translator is yet another marvel of this universe. It allows different peoples to usually understand one another. Key word is usually. It struggles with turns of speech and puns.

"He's making a trap? Deathbringer, what are..."

"Here it is." the weasel was carrying a large box. "In here." He made to approach us but I held up my hand.

"Stop right there. Put it down." I said "Got an auspex?"

"You're being very jumpy." said Lukth. But she got Marika to run her auspex over it and confirm that it was a book and not a bomb."

"Happy?" said Lukth after Marika gave her confirmation. "Why don't you go get it."

Fair enough, it didn't look to heavy. I bent down to pick it up. As I straightened I noticed the weasel's face twitch.

Frak.

There was a twisting sensation in my stomach and that horrible feeling that the cogboys call "macro quantum uncertainty" or some rubbish. I was holding a teleport homer. I vanished

Doubleplusfrak.

"Mr Cain. We meet again."

I was in another teleportarium. It looked a little run down and worn by the local's standards which is to say a cogboy back home would of said the device is in tip-top shape and why were you wasting his time. But the lighting was more normal, the air breathable and the gravity on the lighter side of normal. Present were the three xenos who were after me on the White Star Line as well as a large green human operating the teleportarium controls. The ferengi had their weapons holstered, the one I had stunned a few times already was looking a bit twitchy. I put on my best smile.

"So, time to Deal again." I said.

"Not with me. Mr Cain. With the captain. Come with us. He has a very good Deal for you."

They guestured for me to follow them. Seeing no other option I decided to do so. They led me through some normal looking coridoors to a rather extraordinary room. I paused in the doorway, stunned by the sight. It was not what I had expected. The room was dimly lit and was dominated by a stage on which three attractive, if green women danced to an enegetic beat coming from a group of musicians in one corner. Curtains and drapes covered the walls, there were cushions and low couches everywhere on which various beings reclined. On one, a handsome man relaxed. A woman sat beside him and used a fan to blow the fumes from a steaming bowl in his direction. He waved me over and indicated a nearby couch.

"Greetings Mr Cain. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Captain Leeroy Mudd of the free trading ship Red Dragon." he said. He made a small move of his hand and the woman wafted some of the bowl's contents in my direction. It is a good thing that my life up to this point has borne little resemblance to the standard image of an Imperial Commissar, let alone the officail biographies of my life. As a result I felt a little heady but was otherwise able to keep it.

"Red Dragon?" I said.

"Well yes, yes. But I will maintain that an ancestor of mine was captain of the original Indiaman. Anyways I have a proposal for you."

"Go on."

"This codex. Facinating stuff I feel, but dangerous no?" Mudd said. I nodded and he continued. "I am a businessman and the first rule of business is..."

"Once you have their money never give it back!" called out a Ferengi from a nearby couch.

"Indeed. But it presupposes customers exist in the first place. I feel if people, especially Starfleet were to poke around Simia Orichalcae my supply of customers could become very limited. Very limited indeed."

"What do you have in mind?" I said.

"I propose to release the codex to you. You would then be free to interpret it, creatively. Decide the coordinates refer to another system entirely. Everyone hares off after your new destination and spends their time squabbling over some other dead world. But they don't discover the cosmic horror that lies at the centre of Simia, they don't die and thus remain valued customers."

"What's in it for me? I'm sure Starfleet will take a dim view of being cheated and the klingons take a fatal view towards such things."

"Starfleet are high minded idealists who will do little more than slap you on the wrist. I'm sure you've seen worse. As for the klingons. Stupid thugs, you will find the Orion free traders can keep you both comfortable and safe from such fools."

I didn't quite agree with his assessment. Lukth seemed quite capable of tracking me down and I really didn't want to be in her bad books. What were the klingons doing? Somehow they did not seem the types to shrug, say 'que sera sera' and move on. Still, this Mudd was my current host and it never pays to offend someone who can have you thrown out the airlock. Also this looked a far better place to stay compared to a Starfleet stateroom or klingon accomodation. I decided to play for time. Big mistake on my part.

"Comfortable how?" I said.

Mudd snapped his fingers. A green skinned women sashayed our way.

"Ah Emerella, please show Mr Cain to the guest quarters and see that he is made comfortable."

The woman nodded and then led me to one of the most salubrious confinements I've had in my career.

I have to say. If you are going to be interrogated by anyone, pick the Orions. It was a very pleasant two days or so chatting with Mudd and his crew. The booze was good, the drugs better and the company outstanding. No doubt they were getting all sorts of what they considered useful information but I didn't really care. I knew nothing really of their universe and there was no way of getting to mine. It was thus a bit of a shock when the green skinned massuse giggled upon entering.

"Don't you think this outfit suits me?" which is something Orion women probably never say. Self-concious they are not. This however was Alana. She giggled again.

"Hi there handsome. I'm here with Grigg. We're busting you out of here." she said.

Damn.


	4. Chapter 4

I've already commented at length at how similar many of the various races of the Federation and surrounds are. Impersonating other races is often just a matter of hair dye, skin paint and a false nose. Okay, well, you won't get far trying to impersonate the ambulatory rocks, nine foot lizards or whatever the hell Kaa is, but klingons, romulans, vulcans, betans and even the blue guys whose name escapes me are easy work for someone with a good makeup kit. Alana could of gone Orion on a shuttle trip.

This of course ran through my mind as we strolled along the Red Dragon's corridors to where Alana had broken in. The various crew paid us no mind as we ambled along. Well, I ambled. Alana was actually skipping, as if this cloak and dagger stuff was actually fun. But, as I've also commented on at length, The Federation are just wierd.

"This is not going to work." I whispered. Alana responded by turning round and giving me a kiss.

"It will. Hold my hand. Try to look vaguely confused, keep staring at me and we'll do fine." she said grinning.

Escaping hostile territory is something I've done more than in my career and so I have some experience in these matters. This was the either the stupidest escape plan ever or there was something I didn't know. Trying to work out what that was must of enabled the 'vaguely confused' thing and keeping my eyes on Alana was no chore. Soon we were through a secondry lock and aboard a small shuttle piloted by Leiutenant Grigg.

"How did that work? Their guards should of been on to us." I said.

"Yes, but those guards were male." said Alana.

"Well, yes." I agreed.

"Males don't think too well aboard Orion ships." said Grigg. "Or around Orion women. It's a good thing Alana came along to rescue you too. I wouldn't of been able to get you out."

"You would of ended up in the cell next to Cain." said Alana.

Over the rest of the flight Alana and Grigg attempted to explain the finer points of Orion society and biology to me. Put simply, the women are in charge and control everybody with pheromones. That made them sound like the tyranids which creeped me out a bit. The rest of the explanation was another demonstration of every Federation citizen's inner cogboy as Alana and Grigg gabbled about technical details far removed from their areas of expertise. Given that it had just gotten me rescued I couldn't really complain.

Grigg piloted us to the Enterprise which I could hardly fault. It was the nearest friendly ship and quite a powerful one by the local standards. If I had known or truly believed it's reputation for getting into trouble I'ld of recommended another vessel entirely. I'm going to put the fact that I didn't down to the lingering effect of Orion happy pheromones.

Once inside the Enterprise's shuttle bay we were greeted by Picard and Worf. Emerson and Ooyii were lounging about as the Federation's concession to the concept of a security detail. Ooyii gave me a wave. Worf gave a friendly scowl and the Federation's main proponent of talking your enemies into submission opened his mouth.

"Thankyou Lieutenant and thankyou Ms Alana. It's good to see citizens helping out where needed. It may be that you have missed your true calling. Have you considered serving in Starfleet. We can always use people with initiative." said Picard.

"It was a pleasure to help captain. And kind of fun." said Alana.

"Well, we can see about getting you quartered and cleaned up. And you Mr Cain. It seems your suddenly a very interesting person that everybody wants to talk to. Including me. But I'll give you a chance to freshen up as well and then I'll like a small chat. Meet me in conference room four in say 20 minutes." said Picard.

Conferences are a feature of organisations everywhere. Everybody loves a meeting. We must. Otherwise we wouldn't have them. The Enterprise has many rooms for meetings and had crammed most of the Bridge crew, what seemed like the entire xenobiology department, hordes of cogboys, a few random bods as well as me into one. We, well they were trying to work out where the Necron Tomb was. My recollection of the last time I was there was not as helpfull as everyone had hoped.

I had spent several planning sessions organising the defence of the site with Kasteen and Broklaw and so I knew the general layout of the area. The problem was that planets are big and a plain just south of the mountains with several passes is a common geographical feature. They had me staring at holos of likely sites to see if anything connected in my mind. It was something of a relief when the alarm sounded an eternity later.

"Bridge to Picard." came the vox several seconds later. "Our sensors have detected five ships approaching the system at high warp. They appear to be Klingon Cruisers."

"Thankyou Bridge. I'll be up presently. Hmm, never a dull moment." said Picard to my general disbelief. "We'll have to adjourn till we see what the Klingons are up to. In our absence I'ld appreciate it if everyone tries to narrow down which bit of Simia we'll should be poking."

Picard and the Bridge crew members present rushed off leving me to the tender mercies of enthusiastic Federation scientists. I got tired of looking at scenic vistas and they all seemd blur together after a while. It was a relief when they finally let me go. I decided to visit the bar. Grigg was there too. He waved me over.

"Damn, this is frustrating. Everyone else is at ready stations and I'm stuck here because I'm not deemed fit for duty." Grigg groused.

Being confined to a bar while everyone else does the dangerous stuff didn't seem bad to me. Grigg was definitely unhinged. I felt that mentioniong these details would not be recieved well.

"That's regulations for you. They can be a bitch, but we have to follow orders and all." I said.

"You're right. You're right. I just don't like just sitting here." Grigg said.

"It's terrible. But what can we do? By the way, what is going on?" I said.

"Oh, the bloody Klingons have turned up. No offense Cain, I know your friends with them but they're violent lunatics." said Grigg, a man who had wanted to single handedly repel a boarding party.

"None taken." I said.

"So, the Klingons are posturing and threatening bloody violence if they don't get what they want. The Ferengi are totalling the fees they say they'll demand of the Empire later and offering some mayhem of their own at cost. We're in the middle with Picard trying to talk sense into them."

"Well, he's good at that."

"Yeah, he is. Pity, five Klingon heavies against four Ferengi Traders. Would of been the biggest battle since we fought the Cardies."

"Well, that's a pity. Wait. What did you say?"

"Five heavy klingon cruisers facing..."

"No small ships?"

"None were mentioned. What is it?"

"I need to talk to Picard. Something's up."

If this was one of the Emperor's ships then it would not ordinarily be possible for a passenger to talk with the captain. Well, alright I would of had an easier time of it what with the whole 'Hero of the Imperium' thing. But the point is there. Any military ship should have some way to make sure every Tomas, Richard and Harriet cannot pester those whose job it is to make sure the ship continues running smoothly. Of course the Federation doesn't even believe it has a military, all evidence to the contrary and has embraced such madness like 'openness' and 'equality'. So you can just call Captain Picard from anywhere on the Enterprise and the message will be sent directly to him without even going through a flunky to screen the trivial from the actually important. I often wondered why this doesn't happen constantly on a Federation ship. Again, they're just weird. But it was why Grigg could put me through directly to the Bridge.

"What do you want Cain?" came Picard's voice. He seemed stressed. Perhaps that was what kept everyone in check. You just didn't dare disappoint the trust these people put in you. You could be a responsible member of Starfleet or you could go back to your day job and be replaced by someone who knew how to behave. However, since none of that really applied to me I could just soldier on, as it were.

"Where are the light Klingon ships? Are there any..." I began.

"We are well aware of Klingon cloaking abilities. Mr Worf is tracking their cloaked ships even now. Is there anything else Mr Cain? I'm rather busy." said Picard.

"Has Worf found a ship called the Krom. It's a small sneakship."

"Worf here, I have traces of six cloaked Klingon vessels. I have yet to lock on and identify them however." said Worf.

"I was recently on the Krom. They should be who you look for." I said.

"Captain, if Mr Cain has been on this ship then maybe we could scan him for..." the rest of Data's sentence devolved into unintelligible cogboy.

"Very well. Mr Cain, I request your presence on the bridge." said Picard and the call ended.

Military or not. Federation or Imperium. When a ship's captain says 'jump', you jump. I made my way to the bridge.

When I got there the bridge was it's usual hive of activity. Crewmen worked controls and whispered to one another. Various displays showed the view outside, the Enterprise, what the engines were doing and where everyone within several light years probably was. Data ran up and waved an auspex over me.

"Hmm, interesting." Data said looking at the results the auspex displayed. "These monopole readings have a signature typical of Klingon cloaking technology." Or something like that.

"What is so important about this ship?" said Picard.

"I think they're planning a raid on the Necron complex. If they have the codex..." I began but was interrupted by the appearance of a Klingon on the view screen. It was Gazon, a Klingon admiral.

"Picard! I have waited long enough. What are you..." Gazon paused as he noticed me. "I see you have acquired Deathbringer. Such cleverness. It is a shame you were not born a Klingon. We could be ruling the entire quadrant. But still. There is still time Picard. Ally with me. We can drive thse Ferengi rats back to their holes and then divide the spoils. I assure you, your scientists would have free access were we in possession of this system."

"That's tempting Admiral Gazon. I thank you for your offer but I still believe that we may resolve this issue with diplomacy and cooperation. With all parties. Our charter is to seek out new life and new civilisations, peacefully. What would these 'Necron' think if we approached in the shadow of detonated photons and shattered ships." said Picard. I nearly choked at the last bit.

"They'd still bloody kill us." I muttered. Picard pretended not to notice. Gazon laughed.

"Your friend seems to think that would be unwise." said Gazon.

"Mr Cain comes from a belligerent, intolerant and xenophobic society. With respect, our ideals and indeed our values differ wildly from his. We intend to offer an olive branch and not an armed phaser bank." said Picard.

Gazon muttered something untranslatable in Klingon. Worf winced. "Well, I guess I am back up against those Federation values again. I shall respect your devotion to your cause. It gains you much honour. And, as an 'ally' I shall give you more time to negotiate a peaceful resolution. But I warn you. The Ferengi are tricksey creatures. Be sure not to give away your wonderful ship to them. I await your call to conference."

The view screen reverted to showing the local space.

"Do Klingons normally back down like that?" said Riker.

"No, they do not." said Worf.

"He's stalling." said Riker.

"I agree." said Picard. "I think we need to quickly find the Krom."

I have been assured by many that 'there is no such thing as stealth in space'. That may be true but there is certainly guile, misdirection, cunning and simply not being there. And technosorcery of course. Which makes up for defiencies in all other areas. It did not help that the local area was crowded with ships, that those ships were saturating the space with all manner of electronic voodoo. The Klingon ships were especially 'noisy'. An hour later and there was still no trace of the Krom.

"This is pointless." said Worf. "Captain I suggest we take Gazon up on his offer. Let's show these Ferengi a lesson."

"Suggestion noted Mr Worf. I however will not start a major conflict with the Ferengi." said Picard.

"The Ferengi are cowards. Their government will demand compensation and then we can refuse and then things go back to normal." said Worf.

"Mr Worf, that will be all. But we are not getting anywhere." said Picard.

"How about we do ally with Gazon." said Riker. Picard shot him a look. "No sir. Not like that. Let's agree to aid the Krom in their efforts to locate and breach the tomb." said Riker. "That way we will be 'on the ground' as it were."

"Hmm, do you think Gazon will go for it?"

"Well sir, we do have something the Klingons want." Picard and Riker both turned to look at me.

Oh shit.

Again I found myself in a teleportarium. Picard had explained the potential horrific danger and seriousness of the mission and naturally, everyone volunteered. It's in their bloody charter. You get to be a member of Starfleet by volunteering to be a brave explorer into the unknown. So when a captain says 'we're looking for some fools to bravely explore an unknown' they all step forward. Even the chefs. Alana even volunteered. In the end Picard selected Riker, Data and Worf to go with me. Riker was to be in charge, Data would provide most of the cogboy support and Worf, Worf was along for when things went bad. Everyone had a phaser, Data and Riker had auspexs and Worf had his chainsword and a short tube and pack he obliquely referred to as 'engineering equipment'. I of course was going being the expert and requested and required by the Klingons besides.

Eventually everything was ready and the Krom in range. The teleportarium did it's work convincing the universe that we were in fact in the teleportarium of the Krom rather than that of the Enterprise. Lukth, Grazt and Baz were present. Lukth seemed pleased to see me which was never a good sign.

"Deathbringer. You are returned to us so our quest may succeed. Worf, son of Mogh you are welcome to join us as are you Captain Riker." said Lukth.

Worf looked sideways at Riker. "Captain?"

"Long story, but I do have a rank in the Klingon navy." said Riker.

"Yes, one you acquired through both guile and martial prowess. If you ever get bored with Starfleet the Klingon Empire will offer you a fine ship to command in battle." said Lukth.

"Thank you for the offer. I am not quite bored with Starfleet however." said Riker.

"Very well. Now we have prey to hunt. This way." said Lukth.

Lukth and her flunkies led us to the bridge and we were soon clustered round the Krom's holotank.

"We will soon be in low orbit over Simia Orichalcae. From there a detailed scan will soon reveal the location of the site." said Lukth. "We will land nearby and approach on foot to evade detection from orbit. We will erect defences to secure the site and a transport beacon so the site can be reinforced by our cruisers. Once secure and in possession we can begin excavations."

"A bold plan." said Worf. The other Klingons murmured agreement.

"What sort of opposition do you expect the Ferengi to mount? This 'tomb' has lasted a long time. They could decide to use a light photon to clear the area." said Worf.

"Photon?" I said.

"Antimatter warhead. Even a small antimatter charge would sterilise the area." said Data calmly, as if unaware that we would be ones being sterilised.

"The Ferengi value the site for it's on sell value. Any bombardment would cut into their precious 'profit margins'. They will send in light ground forces, if at all." Lukth sneered at this last bit.

"They will first notify us of any fines they think we will pay." said Grazt. The Klingons howled. "We will show them the true value of cunning and suppressive disrupter fire."

"This seems very provocative." said Riker.

"I agree." I said, willing to support anyone opposed to the present course of action. "Why provoke the Ferengi at all? If you don't give them anything to react to then they will just continue unaware that you're there at all. Stealth has been serving you very well so far. Why not continue in that vein."

The Klingons seemed unimpressed with this proposal. Well, I was unimpressed with the whole blasted affair.

"Cain has a point. Once we find the site there may well be a place to easily conceal ourselves. And there still is no concrete proof that there is anything to fight over. If we are to fight, it should be over something worth fighting for." said Riker.

The Klingons nodded. Lukth sighed.

"Very well. I have orders to cooperate with the Starfleet advisors. So, I shall. We will scan the planet from low orbit. We will locate the site and then we will see what opportunities present itself. Nagor set up the orbit. Deren prepare to scan the surface."

"May I be of assistance. I am familiar with the operating protocols of Klingon scanning..." began Data.

"Yes. Assist away at station two. Baz, watch it." said Lukth. "I suggest the rest of us get some rest. Deathbringer, a quiet word, now."

Again trapped on a tiny Klingon ship with lunatic xenos who seemed intent on poking the necron as well as any other belligerents in the area. What happened to my holiday?


	5. Chapter 5

I followed Lukth the short distance to her quarters, acutely aware that there were very few places to hide on the tiny sneakship. Once inside, she turned and folded her arms in an expression that certainly gave evidence to the whole 'we're all related' idea the humanoids in this galaxy believed in.

"What are you doing?" Lukth said. I relaxed a little. This was homicidal Klingon officer Lukth.

"Me? I am just trying to survive this crazy universe." I said.

"I thought we were on the same side. That you were willing to help the Empire." she took several steps closer and made that 'chimera stripping it's gears' sound. "That you would help me." said homicidal, I want your genes Lukth.

"I am helping. Believe me when I say you won't find anything but death if you poke the Necrons." I said.

"You don't seriously believe that 'ancient horrors from when the stars were young' nonsense in the Codex do you?"

"Yes! It happens to be true. The Necron are the servitors of some ancient cosmic horror and have been creeping round since ever. Why does everyone find that so hard to believe? Especially here. The ruins of ancient civilisations and their terminally dangerous leftovers can be had ten for a throne in this blasted universe. The Enterprise alone seems to find a new one every other week!" I said. Okay, maybe I was exaggerating a little for effect but a brief review of the Enterprise's exploits did involve the words 'ancient', 'ruin', 'deadly', 'dangerous', 'god-like' and 'casualty report' rather often.

"What do you mean especially here?" Lukth looked doubtful.

"Organians, Que's, Travellers, Metrons. This universe seems to be a retirement home for ancient cranky entities. Why should one more come as a surprise? Why not bother the others? And if you stay away from them because they're dangerous, what makes you think this one will be any different?" I said.

"That's precisely why we must try. This is not a nice, safe galaxy. It is full of wonders and terrors beyond imagining. It is no place for the faint of hearts. History has shown us what happens to those who fail to seize the galaxy with both hands. They are seized themselves." said Lukth, she smiled. "Speaking of which. Your genes, inside me, now."

Making for the door proved to be a mistake. This wasn't the happy, freedoms mad Federation but a much more sensible Klingon ship. Security, levels of access or, in my particular case, egress. Which I did not have, alas. Lukth quickly had me corned and in an embrace that was fierce in all senses of the word. Things may of gone badly had the vox not intervened.

"Commander." came a voice. It was Nath.

"What is it?" growled Lukth.

"The Federation android has located the underground complex. We will soon be ready to transport down." said Nath.

"Very well. I will be there." said Lukth. The vox cut off.

I grinned. "Business before pleasure. Duty calls." I said.

Lukth growled, but did let me go. "I will see you at the transporter room." she said as she selected a nasty looking mono-knife and released the door. I hastily made my escape. Of course, if I had known what we were about to encounter I would of smeared myself with honey or whatever it is that turns Klingons on and insisted on the 'improvement of the species', as it were. The main thing which prevented me from doing so since I had made a pretty accurate guess as to what we would find was that I had no idea how to get hold of a suitable amount of honey. Jurgen would of known how, but he was another universe away damn it.

So I checked the charge on my phaser and wished I had something more substantial than a Federation bodysuit, if only just for piece of mind. I then joined the queue at the Krom's armoury since extra weapons could only help.

"I am the very model of a modern major general. I've Information vegetable, animal and mineral. I know the kings of England and I quote the fights historical. From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical." said Que. He appeared to be a Klingon warrior but I was getting used to the daemon's preferred countenance and habitual smirk.

"Go away." I hissed. "Or send me to Risa. Then go away."

"Why so grouchy? You, my friend are a good luck charm. Once again we have people cooperating and exploring in ways they never would of thought of, you included. I think I should take you along on all my excursions as... OW! Bloody hell that hurt. Okay. So maybe I won't. But you've got to admit this is fun."

"Fun? These idiots want to crack open a Necron Tomb and look inside. And have me there with them." I said.

"Hmm. Necron, yes. Rather temperamental. Spare the flayer, spoil the civilisation and all that." said Que.

"Temperamental?"

"I'm just an ancient cranky entity. Probably just showing my dotage. Well, go on, have fun." said Que, who then vanished.

"What can I do for you?" asked Darak, the quartermaster. I was at the front.

"Disruptor."

Clonk.

"Grenades."

Clang-clank.

"Phased microwave converter in the 50 gigawatt range."

"Hey, only what you see."

No meltas. Necrons.

Damn.

So there I was, back on Simia Orichalcae knocking on the Necron's door. We had beamed into a cave next to the entrance. It appeared to be made of large slabs of black stone, each block perfectly aligned with it's neighbour. The door looked imposing, it looked forbidding, it looked downright scary. It was a door that said 'Enter and you a frakked'. I agreed. I did not want to enter. At the moment neither did anyone else, the outside was apparently interesting.

"This substance has several unusual properties..." that was Data, who then started spouting bizarre technoglyphs. We had been on Simia for about twenty minutes, most of which had been spent watching Data run his auspex over a wall. Here we were in what I had made plain was very hostile territory and the mad android had us stopped at the gate.

"This is a waste of time. Stop scanning the stone Starfleet. Let us enter." said Baz. The Klingons made for the door for what had to be the third time.

"Please. Wait. Let my officer finish his readings. We could learn a lot before just rushing in." said Riker. The Klingons paused and looked at Lukth. "Data, what have you discovered so far." continued Riker. The mechanical abomination on our side paused the auspex, stood and opened his mouth.

"The substance is not stone although it has a deceptively similar appearance. As part of it's structure appears..." said Data. Everyone just stared as words like 'atomic', 'molecular', 'subspace', 'quantum' and 'phasic' washed over us.

"A little more simply please." said Riker.

"Oh. This matter has the equivalent of some sort of internal shielding built into it's base structure. And some other properties which I have been unable to discern as yet." said Data.

"Can you get us a sample." said Lukth.

"I will try. However the material is quite resistant." said Data. He resumed his attentions to the wall. After a few minutes the Klingons got impatient, again.

"Why are we wasting time with samples. Let's just open the door." said Baz.

"I do not think we have a way to open it until the android works out how to break a piece off." said Lukth. "Any ideas Deathbringer?"

I was quite happy to be at a loss. "Nope, last time I was here we sort of just fell in." I said, then wished I hadn't.

"And you know the way to the main centre? The armoury?" said Lukth.

"Well, yes." I admitted.

"Well, that will save time once we get inside." said Lukth. "How long is that machine going to take?"

Quite a while as it turned out. While the tomb wall was resistant to Data's probing the android was nothing if persistent in eliciting secrets which Data happily informed everyone in earshot of. Everyone tried to make themselves comfortable and some ration bars were shared around.

"Why is there a door?" said Worf after some time.

"What?" said several people, myself included.

"A door is a weak point. If these Necrons are everything Cain has said then why have a door? This cave is just an opening in the rock. It doesn't go anywhere."

Why indeed? I hadn't really thought about it. Mainly because I'm either too busy running and hiding to contemplate the finer points of Necron architecture. I was interrupted at this point by an itching of my palms. I stood up and checked my weapons.

"What is it Deathbringer?" said Lukth. She too, got up as did everyone else.

"I'm not sure, something's going on." I said. At which point the door opened. The massive slab descended into the floor. The slab's top appeared seamless with those around it and the floor within. "Okay, that was unexpected." However it was about to get worse. Our vox units activated.

"We are the Borg. Your biological and technological distinctiveness will be added to our own. Resistance is futile." came the soulless mechanical voice of the Borg.

This was not good. "Everyone inside." I yelled, "There's no cover here."

If we had somehow gained access ourselves I had planned to lead everyone round the outskirts of the tomb until everyone got bored and decided to go home. It was a forlorn hope, but still. That had all gone to hell with the arrival of the Borg. The tomb had opened up obediently for them and then Borg had materialised and marched inside. Not willing to be seen we had run in before them. The steady tromp of Borg feet on the tomb's floor drove us onward. I was aware that we were heading to the heart of the complex.

"I don't see why we just fight them." said Gath. One benefit of being pursued by Borg. You don't have to move that fast.

"We could, but they would just send reinforcements." said Lukth. "Adapted reinforcements. This is still a stealth mission."

We continued through the tunnels. Everything was made of the same dark material. Each block was adorned with strange glyphs and pictures. Every now and then my eye would pick out something. A thin warrior in power armour with a tapering helm. An Eldar? A group of shorter warriors. Orks? Unfortunately I did not have time to stop and study them as we hurried on.

"I would like to know what the Borg intend." said Data.

"It won't be anything good. What's that up ahead?" said Riker.

This was to a green glow. It was being shed by the bizarre artefacts and machines in a large, vaulted room. Worse still was the decorations of the walls, if you could call it that. Every few metres was a small recessed alcove in which stood a metallic skeleton. Each skeleton held a gauss flayer as if at parade rest. Of note was a large metal case near one corner and a circular dais by one of the walls. I had no idea what the big box was but I recognised a Necron teleport pad.

We hid as the borg marched in. There were twenty of them, walking two abreast. The red light from their luminators swept over the chamber creating disturbing patterns. They marched straight towards the teleporter.

"They mean to repair the teleporter." I said as the realisation hit me. "The Necron were stuck in here. Unable to get out in any meaningful way." I looked at the others. "We have to stop them. You cannot allow the Necron to get loose in your galaxy. We need a way to wreck that pad."

Worf crept over to me and proffered the metal tube. "Would a mini-photon launcher be of any help?"

Being told by an aggressive xeno that he has access to a supply of antimatter explosives was probably the best news I have had lately.

"That could work." I said.

Trapped in the lair of an ancient, incomprehensible evil. Check.  
Outnumbered and cut off from outside support. Check.  
In the company of idealists and lunatics who apparently have no truck with boring and abstract concepts like 'Do not poke the frakking Necron!' I mean, is that such a hard concept to grasp? Anyways, check.  
Not being somewhere pleasant indulging in a game of chance with agreeable company. Check bloody check.  
Doomed, desperate, almost certainly about to appear before the Throne. Check.

On this particular Thursday I was in a Necron Tomb with the Federation and Klingons subbing for the idealists and lunatics I was more used to. Drawn like moths to a flame they had dragged me along with them. The Borg had shown up as well, because, why the bloody hell not. All was dark, gloomy and hopeless. A grimdark nightmare from which even death may not be an option for escape.  
And yet...

"Tell me about your supply of mini-photons." I said to Worf.

I wasn't sure into which category, idealist or lunatic, that Worf fitted. The large xeno was both a Klingon and a member of the Federation. It was probably both.

"It's an experimental weapon. I am looking forward to seeing if the Borg can adapt to it." said Worf with what I had learned was a grin on a Klingon.

"Exactly how destructive is that weapon Lieutenant?" said Riker.

"I believe the initial blast radius to be 80 metres, with overpressure effects from thermal expansion being on the order of about 1500 metres, sir. Lethal radiation scatter..." said Data. The assembled Klingons looked enviously at the weapon.

"Thank you, Data that's enough. Worf, you realise the chamber we're in is not that big." said Riker.

"I am aware sir. It means we are unlikely to miss." said Worf.

"Yes, of course. Cain, are these things as dangerous as you say." said Riker. Oh great, now they decide to listen.

"No, if anything they're much worse." I said.

"Well then, ideas. Some sort of timer seems to be in order." said Riker.

"That can be done commander." said Worf.

"Lets get to work then." said Riker.

When setting antimatter charges one tends to adopts very careful, slow and deliberate movements. I'm not entirely sure why. It's not like they go off if you accidentally drop or knock them. Even Federer was slightly more careful with similar bombs. At any rate we set the charges. Things were going smoothly and what with being surrounded by murder machines that could wake up and notice us at any moment I wasn't paying attention to what the Klingons were up to.

It was as we left the chamber that we heard the Necrons wake up. The green glow grew in brightness and we heard the scrape of metal on stone as their warriors began to march.  
"Run!" I said. It really was our only chance. For once, everyone listened and began running too.

"I wonder what has caused the machines to activate now." said Data. No one could answer as we were too busy running.

As it so happens leaving a complex in a hurry is something I have become good at. Whenever going in I make a note of which way I've gone, so if I do have to leave quickly I don't waste time remembering whether it was right or left, up or down. I consider a valuable life skill. The one problem with a hurried exit is that you can't spend time worrying about where your running to. Which pretty much explains most of my life.

"Thank you, Mr Cain was it?" said Mr Mudd. He was at the entrance with the three Ferengi and several intimidating green goons. "I would like to discuss a potential technology transfer opportunity." Mudd and his entourage were all armed and were waving those weapons towards me.

I hate Thursdays.

Throughout my career it has constantly amazed me how certain people have the knack of showing up at the worst possible moment. I've never been able to tell if it is some innate gift for tormenting me or the Emperor just needs a good chuckle now and then. I was beginning to get the feeling that a lot of people in this universe had that talent. Picard and his merry crew on the Enterprise? Probably. Lukth definitely qualified and I was beginning to have my suspicions of Mr Mudd as well. Especially since he was currently holding me up from escaping from the Necron.

"Sure, fine. Your welcome to all the technology in the vault. It's yours." I said while straining to listen for the distinctive scrape and drag sound the Necron make on stone. I have no idea why they do that either. Why shuffle about like zombies?

"No!" said Riker and Lukth at once.

"No, they've won. Well played Mr Mudd." I said and turned to the idealist and lunatic hell bent on getting me murdered. "Just hand over anything you've got. It's not worth it."  
Riker looked like he might come round, plus I doubt looting the tomb had even crossed his mind. Lukth however.

"I do anything you ask, just give the nice men the spare tech and we all live." I pleaded. If you think I was being free with my body bear in mind that being free with my body at a future date implicitly implies having a body to be free with in the future. Which was becoming increasingly unlikely the longer we dithered in front of the tomb entrance.

"I have your word on that?" said Lukth. I gulped and nodded. Of course I was willing to promise anything to avoid the attentions of the ghastly weapons of the Necron. "Very well, Baz give up the stuff."

The Klingon warrior tossed a bag to Mudd and his cronies. As a crony picked it up I thought I could hear the scrape-drag sounds from the tunnel.

"Happy, can we go now?" I said. Mudd nodded and I scampered out of what was going to very soon be a hail of green death. The idealists and lunatics followed. As soon as we were clear I hissed "Activate the teleports." Lukth gave me one of her gear stripping purrs and did so.

"Krom, emergency transport, now!" Lukth said into her vox. I tensed, expecting that nasty feeling associated with teleportation. What happened was worse. Nothing happened. And then it got even worse as I saw the tomb tunnel illuminated by the horrible green light of the Necron.

"Take cover!" I yelled and leapt for a pile of obsidian.

Some of you reading these recollections may of gained the impression that the Federation is somehow inept at war. Let me dissuade you of that. For all their protestations to the contrary Federation Starfleet personnel are very good at war. They are all physically fit and being a volunteer service has the advantage of selecting the very best amongst their society. While that's not a luxury the Imperium can afford it serves the Federation well. Both the Klingons and Federation reacted to my warning swiftly, took cover and readied weapons. The same cannot be said for Mudd's goons who had started towards the entrance. There was a horrible flash of green light. There was a horrible scream as a goon disintegrated. And then it was screaming, running and dying as the six Necron lurched out firing on the pirates.

"Open fire." called Riker and we began firing on the Necron while Lukth tried to get in contact with the ship. While we had some good distance and cover Necron weapons are very good at removing the latter. As they were doing now. Necron also don't care about suppressing fire either. They just take whatever shots you can put into them, recover using their infernal technosorcery and then kill you. Horribly.

The air was lit by green flashes punctuated by motes of red from our weapons. The only bright point was that Necron are rather single minded and were concentrating mainly on the pirates. That would change soon. They would then advance on us and we would die.

"Any ideas?" growled Worf as the rock about him was steadily dissolved.

"More running. We can move around the tomb." I said. It was true. The Tomb stood in the centre of the chamber. We could actually walk, or in this case flee all the way round it. And so began one of the more insane chases I've participated in. Us running round a Necron tomb and them plodding along behind us. It occurred to me at the second bend that the necron would soon split up and catch us in a pincer. They were slow, not dumb.

It had occurred to the Necron as well. There was a Necron warrior waiting for us. I nearly ran straight into him ducking under his weapon which saved my life for a few moments as it reversed it's grip. It would of skewered me with the blade if I hadn't managed to get my chainsword out and on. I parried the machine's blow and was driven back by the force of it. Fortunately this gave Worf the opening to blast it's head clean off. It was at that point I saw more green glows from both of the other corners.

I have never welcomed any teleport more gratefully than the one that caught us then. Lukth had finally got through to the Krom and we had escaped. I never thought the strange lighting and gravity of a xeno ship would come as a relief.

"Well, that was an adventure. " said Riker.

"It was indeed." said Worf.

"I believe you and I have some business now." said Lukth. Damn. Now was time to pay.

"Just a moment commander. I am certain my captain will want to debrief Mr Cain and the rest of us before any pleasantries. In the interests of greater Klingon Federation understanding of course." said Riker.

Finally hooray. Maybe I could even escape to Risa.

The End.


End file.
